Monday, February 11, 2013

Living "Plan B" in Holland

I've been thinking a lot about Holland.  It seems to be only a matter of time before we discover we are living a life that we had not anticipated--perhaps it's because of our own choices, or, more often than not,  it's that we face challenges that we are sure we didn't sign up for! Nevertheless, we find ourselves putting aside our "Plan A" in exchange for "Plan B," or "Plan C. . ."  

I love this essay by Emily Perl Kingsley, which I included in my book, Running with Angels.  She has a child with a disability, and I think so many of us can relate this to other experiences in our lives, as well as understand what others are going through:


I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.


Here's to all those living in Holland!   The tulips are beautiful!!

1 comment:

  1. Pam, While Dallin and Laura were waiting for the nurse to come get them and take them for surgery to deliver the babies, they were just sitting there quietly contemplating. The doctors had visited with them to tell them of all the possible complications and what they would be doing for the babies in each of those situations. They were just quiet and nervous as they held each others hand. Dallin finally said, "well I guess we're going to Holland." The next three months and more will not be what they had planned, but it will be an adventure.

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