Another Angel in the Family

I have known Sarah, the beautiful mother of little angel Ella, since she was a small girl.  I admired her happy nature and faithful strength as I worked with her in Young Women at church.  And now, I see her quiet dignity and knowledge of the Greater Plan, in the loss of her precious daughter.  Sarah's sister, Angela, joined us as a dove releaser a few years ago, after losing her own daughter.  There are two angels in this family that I love so much!  It was Sarah and Angela's parents who were so near and played a big part when we lost our own son 15 years ago.  This family will always hold a special place in my heart.   They exemplify love, faith, and devotion that Mark and I so admire.

It is inspiring how powerful hope can be in the face of mortal experiences such as losing a child.  Sarah's story of darling Ella pulled at my heartstrings:

Monday, February 1^st, our soon to be 20-month old baby girl woke up with a fever during her nap. The rest of the family was sick the week prior, so we felt we would have a couple of days with a sick baby. On Thursday Ella was just getting worse and I was just looking for signs to take her into the doctors. That night she tugged at her ears and that was enough for me. I took all four children to the doctors that evening hoping to get more help. The Doctor did a typical check up, and everything seemed normal for having a virus. Her ears looked perfect and we were sent home. The next two days she was not getting better, though her fever was gone by Saturday and there were times when she was acting more like herself. I probably will never forgive myself for not taking her in again on Saturday.  Sunday morning, she woke up at 4:30 am having a hard time breathing, making grunting sounds which wouldn’t stop. I took her to the ER and the Doctor put her on Oxygen to help her breath and then took an X-Ray. Her right lung was full of fluid (they called this a white out). Her left lung was perfect. They diagnosed her with Pneumonia (bacterial), and the Corona Virus, and then had her transported by ambulance to Primary Children Hospital.

When we got to the hospital, the Doctors quickly helped her get stable and put my heart at ease that she would be ok. They have had cases like this, and children usually fully recover.  They said that bacterial pneumonia is just “bad luck”. Each day they did a treatment (going from least invasive to more) and more blood tests, X-rays, and CAT Scans. Each day the doctors were happy to see her stats so good and no additional alarms. Each day was hard, but I felt confident that she would recover, and that all would be ok.

Wednesday morning around 4:30 am I got a call from the head nurse that Ella’s breathing was not stable, and that they would soon be putting a breathing tube down her to help her breath. Again I felt like everything was going to be ok.  Staying at an extended family’s house just five minutes away, I sent my husband to the hospital to make sure that the procedures would go well.  I got a call soon after from Daniel that I better come to the hospital now because the doctors don’t know if she will survive.  My mind started racing, my heart aching, this could not be happening. I was driven to the hospital shortly after and rushed to see her. Her room was full of doctors and nurses and all I heard was “do we have a pulse?!” as they were doing CPR over and over again. After waiting outside the room for about a half hour the Doctor told us she was failing and everything that they tried to do was not helping.  She had passed, and we were sent in the room alone to say our last goodbyes.  We later learned more of her condition that she had a form of pneumonia that is very rare and very hard for the doctors to detect because the body usually does not give any signs of failure until it is too late to help.

Our sweet baby Ella Marie completed her mission her on earth; to bring love, happiness, and comfort to everyone she met, especially her family and her mama. Now we hope and pray for that same connection with her to continue with us, as she is our angel. She will always be our “perfect baby”.  She will be forever missed, but we know this was the Lord’s will, and He has a greater plan for this loving girl on the other side. We are so grateful to know that families can be together forever.  The day we are reunited with Ella will be a glorious day.

Bo the Sweet Little Snuggler

I love this family!  I first heard about Bo from my son and daughter-in-law, Nick and Jamie.  Their good friends are Bo's parents, Clay and Tiffany Barnes, and last fall, they told us about this sweet little 2 year old who was going through a tough time with a spinal tumor.  I was drawn to this little guy, in part because Nick and Jamie have their own little boy, just a few months younger than Bo, who has burrowed his way into our hearts.  I couldn't help but shed some tears when I read about how Bo loved to snuggle with his mom.  I also couldn't help but smile as I read Tiffany's beautiful tribute (below) to her son.  Just a few weeks ago, another son was born into the Barnes family.  I hope he got to snuggle Bo before he came.

Enjoy reading about Bo and the happy life he lived.  He is a special little boy with a strong valiant spirit.  I look forward to meeting him one day.

From the second we found out I was pregnant with Bo we were beyond excited! Bo took awhile to come to us and I remember thinking that after a year and half of trying to get Bo here that, he would come when Heavenly Father needed him to come. When Bo was born I was so giggly and the nurse thought it was so funny that I kept laughing. I think I was giggly because I felt like a little kid, and that I just received the best present ever. I had my little boyfriend! From day one Bo loved to snuggle on my chest, in fact I remember the first day he hardly ate at all because he literally slept on my chest all day. I cherished every second of it.

            These past 2 years have been full of the best memories ever! I feel so blessed to say that we have no regrets of wasting anytime or letting any memory go by, we cherished every single moment with our family.

            The first year of Bo’s life he was just like he was this last year, ALWAYS happy. He was the best baby, and the best toddler. He never threw tantrums or really even complained, even with everything he has gone through. He grinned through it all.

            At the beginning of this last year he caught onto the idea of prayer and he would tuck his little fists up under his chin every time we said a prayer, and then throw his arms in the air, and say amen after. I have always loved that he did this. These past few months he has said the prayer at our home several times with either London or Clay or I helping him. He loved to say the prayer, and we loved to hear him with his cute high-pitched voice.

            One thing that brought a big smile to Bo’s face was mowing the lawn with Papa Brent. He loved to sit on his lap and help drive the mower around and he especially loved to use Papa’s tools and help him “fix” things. He loved being outside. We would do bubbles and ride bikes out front and he loved to cruise with London in her pink power wheel car. Those two together were wild and crazy!

            Bo was so lucky to have both grandparents and so many aunts and uncles who live close. Everyone loved Bo because he was always happy and had the cutest big cheesy smile. He loved Tuesday’s when grandma “arie” would come to watch him while I worked. She always took him to do fun things or get some type of treat. They had a great bond, he felt so safe with her, even up until the very end. If we ever even headed in the direction of grandma Sandi’s he’d be so excited and make sure that’s where we were headed. He had so many amazing memories playing with all of the cousins and hanging out with Aunt Brittany and Blair. They always made some type of treat or project with him. He especially loved the hot chocolate. The last party at grandma Sandi’s was two weeks ago and all of the cousins were dancing and he didn’t feel good at all, but he wanted to get up and dance with the cousins and he did.

            We got to take Bo up to Clay’s family’s cabin several times and he would play in the dirt, ride the little four-wheeler, and play non-stop with the cousins. I think our favorite memory from the cabin was when we pulled a bunch of mattresses up to the couch and the kids were jumping onto them and Bo wanted to do a cannonball and he let us know. He would yell WATCH as loud as he could until we were all looking. He would yell, “cannonball” and then just fall onto the mattresses and laugh so hard and get right back up and do it again.

            Bo loved and still loves his sister so much! They were best buddies. They would turn on the piano and dance for us most days of the week. Bo loved music!!!! If we were driving in the car and a song with a good beat came on I’d always look in the rearview mirror because I could pretty much count on seeing London and Bo dancing. As soon as we made eye contact in the mirror he’d giggle. Bo watched a LOT of movies these past two months in “daddy’s bed” that’s always what he called our bed. I think maybe he called it mommy’s bed once or twice, but it pretty much was always Daddy’s bed. Whenever a song came on no matter what show he was watching (my favorite one he’d dance to was on Home) he’d naturally start moving his cute little body… it would usually start with his little bum. And then sometimes he’d put one leg in the air and shake it to the beat. He KNEW I loved it!!!! It made me so happy, I’d always ask to see the little bootie dance. He would do it and say, “mommy wook” with his sweet little grin looking up me shaking his leg in the air or his little bum.

It’s fair to say Shows, chocolate milk, juice, pizza and mac ‘n cheese were a big part of comforting Bo these past two months. We probably watched Planes, Light McQueen (keen) Home, Incredibles, Penguins of Madagascar and Monster Inc 100’s of times. His very favorite of all of these the past few weeks was Planes Two because he loved the helicopters in it.

            Bo loved bowling! It was so cute how much he loved it. We went a month or so ago with my side of the family and his excitement was so cute that he ended bowling for almost everyone because it was way more fun to watch him get excited then it was to get a good score. He loved being with his aunts and uncles!

            Bo went everywhere with me! We had our routine of going to the gym after we dropped London off at school and then splitting my protein bar on the car ride home. Every time we’d go to the gym Bo would look for the motorcycles that always parked by the entrance, they made his day. If they weren’t there that day he’d say “cycles go?” and then he’d say, “darn it.” It was the highlight of the gym for him. Clay would always make protein shakes and he always included Bo and London. They became pro shake makers. Bo loved his protein shakes with daddy. In fact, when he was on his steroids he would wake up in the night and say, “shake!” we’d make it, and just laugh. Then one day he came walking in with a little 1-2 lb hand weight. We still laugh about this, those steroids made him crave protein and need to lift weights.

           

For Bo’s age he was very untypical. He was always worried about other people. He would always share his bites with us or ask if we were ok. My very favorite was that he always knew mommy was cold, and every time he’d lay down with his blanket he’d pat the bed next to him and say “mommy snuggle” and when I’d lay down he’d without fail ask, “mommy cold?” and he’d put part of his blanket on me. I love this memory and will never forget it. A couple of weeks back both he and Londy got sick with high fevers and even though Bo felt yucky he was so worried about London. He went and got one of his syringes and brought it to me and said, “mommy, londy (lonny) sick” He new that he’d been getting so many syringes of medicine and that it helped him to feel better and he wanted to help her. So he walked over and gave London a medicine syringe. He had the biggest heart. If anyone ever cried, he’d say, “matter?” and say “mommy sad?” He would constantly give us big hugs out of no where and we loved them.

This year Bo has followed in his sister footsteps and started loving to cook. It was so cute! He would always ask for his tool, the spatula. Londy and Bo made several pancakes together and he even made me breakfast one morning. I let him cook my eggs. He was adorable cooking those eggs, he took that job seriously, I asked him he was done and he said, “nope” and kept cooking them to perfection. I love my cooking buddies. I’d say 90% of the time we’d put candles in the pancakes and he and Lond would love to blow them out. He was never satisfied to blow them out just once, he’d blow it out and immediately look at me and say “again?” with a question mark hoping I’d say yes. I think after maybe the 4-5^th time I’d say, ok last time. 

We lived at the pool this past summer! He LOVED to be in the water. London was the best big sister and tried to teach him to float on his back. They would practice in the bath tub all the time. He became so proud of himself, just last week in the bath he laid down with the bubbles surrounding his body and had the biggest grin and said, “mommy, Wook!!!” I was so proud of him!

Bo got to go to a lot fun places this summer including Jackson Hole and Lake Powell. He loved both trips so much. He got excited about everything! He even got to surf with his daddy. His perfect white skin actually got tan. His white hair, big blue eyes and tan skin was enough to melt me. I think pretty much everyday of his life I told him “I love you so much, I can barley handle it.” I literally felt like my love for him could explode out of my body.

Bo loved playing the Bing game with me, his giggle was contagious, his love for airplanes made us all love them, his love for his sister was the most tender and precious thing to watch, his big cheesy grin always made us laugh, I loved to dress him to look so handsome, he loved building forts in the front room, and if you ever asked him if someone was nice or mean (even if they were a mean character) he would ALWAYS say nice. To Bo everyone was nice. That is perfectly fitting for who he was, he always looked on the bright side.

The week after Lake Powell was when we started noticing symptoms in Bo that we started to worry about. As September and November went on things didn’t change and we became a little worried. He started having horrible tummy pains that would cause him to shake in pain and sweat and cry uncontrollably. We started taking him to the Dr and they did x-rays, and blood work and a few other tests and they all came back looking normal. Shortly after we went to see a GI specialist and that procedure was normal. Dr’s were at a loss, maybe thinking some sort of allergy, so we cut things out of his diet in hopes that would help, but there were no improvements. I then took Bo to a holistic allergist and did several treatments along with chiropractic work to help with his posture. After several rounds to the chiropractor and allergist we took him to an amazing allergist in Salt Lake who we miraculously got into right away. She wanted me to go straight to primary children’s hospital and stay until they figured out what was wrong. So I drove straight there. After several tests that came back normal they admitted Bo and wanted to do an MRI of his brain and Spine. Clay and I waited in the hospital room for 3 hours while this was happening and I honestly didn’t think they would find anything. On November 21 As the Dr came in and sat down I knew from that second something wasn’t right. She told us she had bad news and that they had found a tumor in Bo’s spine that went from the base of his neck to the middle of his back. Up until that point in life I had never cried so hard in my entire life. We thought we had caught it in time. Bo did 3 rounds of chemo and during this we tried to live to live to the fullest doing all of Bo’s favorite things. He had fun these past two months making memories with our family. His favorite thing was to go to the Provo Airport and have the planes fly in over his head. Every time we went I was grinning from ear to ear because he was ecstatic!!

As we went to do Bo’s next treatment last week he was in a lot of pain, things changed over night with his pain level. He was living on morphine every hour and still not comfortable. They did another MRI to see how the tumor was responding and it hadn’t changed. We were so relieved!! But that day he just didn’t get better, he was super lethargic and having a hard time waking up from being put under. That night around 7:00 our world turned upside down when he had a seizure and his vitals dropped rapidly. The got him stable and took him to the PICU thinking he’d get the tube out within a few hours, they said most kids wake up and start pulling at it. Clay and I left and went up to bed after a long night thinking he was going to be ok. The next morning we went in to see that his tube was still in. Our hearts dropped. The nurses insured us that it wasn’t what they expected at all, but that it was ok. They wanted to do another MRI to see if anything had changed in the tumor. Sure enough it had. The swelling had moved up into his brain stem. The neurosurgeon met us in our room and he presented an emergency surgery option. When he told us Bo may be a paraplegic, the tears came streaming down our face. He didn’t know if the surgery would help, but it was basically our only chance to see if Bo would move his arms and legs again, so we went forward with the surgery. Bo’s vitals went up and down as the days went on and Clay and I lived at the hospital by his side along with many family members who wanted to see him. He was on a lot support but the nurses stayed so positive that I wasn’t giving up yet. More days passed with no improvements and on Jan 19 we had a meeting with all of Bo’s Dr’s to discuss his condition and what they expected to happen. When we sat down and heard the news I just cried and cried. They said Bo would never be able to move his arms or legs again and would probably have to have a feeding and breathing tube forever and never have control over his bowels. Our hearts dropped!! I made sure we understood everything very clearly and that there was no chance at recovery from any dr’s standpoint.  They all said no. I was crushed into a million pieces knowing that we were going to loose our perfect little boy who just days ago was happy and functioning. Clay and I had prepared ourselves little by little that week for this news, but honestly I didn’t think it would really happen. I was still thinking that miracles happen everyday and that he could be one of them. Clay and I decided that the next day would be the day to let him return to our Father in Heaven. I got to read Bo his last book and snuggle next to him all morning. I made the dr come back in to reassure me that ALL of the neurosurgeons felt the same, and after that was confirmed I finally felt like I could let him go. We listened to our favorite church songs all together just before we had to let him go. Bo passed away peacefully within a matter of moments in my arms. I held him and snuggled him like I’d wanted to do for the past week. The nurses and Dr’s had all been so strong the whole time, but Bo had touched their lives and they all had mentioned that there was something different about him and our family. They truly became friends and we thanked them for everything they had done to try and save our sweet boy. They loved him and truly cared about him more than just a patient and you could feel that.

Bo’s enthusiasm for life was contagious! You couldn’t not be happy if you were with Bo. He had the brightest light within him at all times. Even when he was sick or in pain he always tried to be happy. He never hit the terrible 2’s phase and I don’t think he ever would have, he truly was that sweet and that perfect. I have no doubt that he was so perfect and he wasn’t meant to endure this hard life. We feel beyond blessed to be his parents and can’t wait to hold him again. We will miss him more than any words can express, but I know that my baby is safe and doesn’t have to go through the many trials and hardships of this life. Now we just have to live in such a way that we can be with him again and enjoy every second with him as we did here on earth and know that we will never loose him again. Eternal families are the only thing that is slightly making this possible. I know I will be with my sweet, perfect, compassionate, loving and caring little boy again.

Angel Ryan Charles Terry

Meet the family of Ryan Charles Terry.  They have participated in the Running with Angels 5K since 2009.  This will be their 8th year!  Sadly, many in their family have experienced loss, but they come together each year to celebrate the lives of their babies.  I met Robyn Terry at last year's run and I am so happy for them to join us as a Dove Releasing Family this year.  Here is Robyn's story, in her own words:

We were blessed with a daughter in 2001. We suffered a miscarriage two years later. Then we were blessed with a son in 2005. It was difficult to get pregnant and our doctor told us we weren’t likely to be able to have more kids. We got pregnant again with another child and we were so excited.

On Tuesday January 26th we went to our check-up. We were full term and at this appointment our doctor told us everything looked good and we would be induced on Sunday. We were excited that the wait was nearly over. 

On January 29th, 2009, we went to the hospital for a planned non stress test. We went in and they pulled out the doppler and couldn’t find a heartbeat. Then the wheeled us into another room for an ultrasound. This is where we found out our Ryan Charles had passed away.  They determined the cause was a placental abruption.

            Shortly thereafter we had an emergency c section. Everything from that day was such a blur. We buried our son later that week--something no parent should ever have to do. Five weeks after losing Ryan, a family member lost their baby girl at around 22 weeks. A year and a half after that, another family member lost their little girl at about 20 weeks. In 2014, our three-year-old niece passed away. We have been a part of Running with Angels since 2009 and appreciate all that goes into this event and love that our family can run with our little angels.

Angel Peyton

I loved meeting Peyton Little's family at the Running with Angels 5K.  There is something about families that have lost babies; an instant bond, a deeper understanding, an empathy for other families experiencing loss, that simply cannot come any other way.

I imagine long, lonely hospital days, week after week, as Megan experienced, could be awfully dismal.  The Littles chose Hope.  Literally.  This sweet little angel Little carries this as her middle name, as well as the confidence that they will be together again as a family.  As Megan, Cleve, and little Kaylee ran for Peyton Hope on Saturday, and as they continue their journey through life, I believe their little angel will be right there beside them.

Here is their story:

In October 2014 we found out we were expecting baby #2. We were beyond thrilled. We had been anxiously awaiting this opportunity and we were ecstatic for our 2 year old daughter to have a sibling. Things were going well with the pregnancy, I was feeling great and the baby was growing like it should. 

It was a quiet Sunday, a few days after Christmas, while taking a nap that I realized something was wrong. I woke up feeling like I was leaking something. I wasn't sure if this was a normal pregnancy symptom or something to be concerned about. We monitored it for a hour or so until I was overwhelmed with the feeling something just wasn't right. We jumped in the car and rushed to the ER. After lots of tests and hours of waiting our fears were confirmed. The doctor came in and told us that I was leaking amniotic fluid. My heart stopped. How was this possible? We asked the doctor what that meant for our baby. He told us that at 16 weeks, in most cases the pregnancy would result in a miscarriage within a week. He explained that there was nothing they could do. The baby wasn't viable yet and we had to just let "nature take its course". 

We were heartbroken and terrified. How could there be nothing they could do?  We left the hospital that night feeling lost and confused. We set up an appointment with our regular OB the following morning. He did some more tests and confirmed what the ER doctor had told us. Later we met with Maternal Fetal Medicine and they explained that if the pregnancy didn't result in a miscarriage that there were other significant concerns to consider. They explained the high risk of infection that would threaten my life and they explained the health and development issues it could cause for the baby. They basically told us the odds were against us and that we may want to consider ending the pregnancy. Without hesitation we chose love. We didn't want to give up on our baby and wanted to give it a fighting chance. They told us again that only time would tell and that nature would take it course. 

We felt hopeful as each day passed.  We hit 20 weeks and went in for a regular scheduled ultrasound. The MFM doctor was very optimistic. He said the amniotic fluid was at a good level and my sac probably healed itself. Which he said is very rare, but can happen. He also told us we were going to have another little girl!!!  We knew instantly that her name would be Peyton. We couldn't wait to share the news with our family and friends. 

Two weeks later, at 22 weeks, our life once again got flipped upside down. I was leaking again... but this time it was a lot. We once again rushed to the hospital and this time were able to be taken to labor and delivery because we were further along. They did tests and told us that my water had completely ruptured. The nurses and doctors were frantic. Our OB informed us that we needed to be transferred via ambulance to UVRMC since they had an advanced NICU. They felt this was necessary because there was a good chance our little girl was coming that night. 

The ambulance crew came in and started getting me ready for transport. It was a quick ride to UVRMC. There they monitored Peyton's heartbeat and my contractions all night. The NICU doctor came in and tried to make a "game plan". He told us they would try to do what they could for her but until she was 24 weeks she didn't have much of a chance for survival. As you can imagine this was a very emotional situation to handle. We were trying our best to wrap our heads around what was happening and tried to take things minute by minute. Much to everybody's surprise we made it through the night. 

Each day that passed the doctors were amazed and told us how each minute was a blessing. At the 24 week mark it felt as though a huge burden was lifted. We knew things still weren't great and we still had a long road ahead, but at least we knew, if she were to be born at this stage she would  at least have a fighting chance.  I would have some contractions off but luckily nothing ever came of them. The long days spent alone in the hospital gave a lot of opportunity for deciding Peyton's middle name. The name that kept coming to our minds was Hope. Everything about this situation screamed hope.

I knew my nurses well and was starting to feel "at home" there. I missed my family terribly but felt grateful for each day I had feeling our sweet baby girl kick and wiggle inside of me. At this point I had been in the hospital for 6 weeks. It was late one evening when once again I felt that something was very wrong. I called my nurse and she discovered that I had a prolapsed cord. Within seconds there were multiple nurses in my room and before I knew it they were rushing me down the hallway. As they were wheeling my hospital bed down the hall I quickly called my husband who was at home with our daughter. 

They quickly put me under anesthesia and performed an emergency c-section. Our sweet Peyton was born at 27 weeks, weighing only 2 lbs 4 oz and measuring 14 inches long. Because of the lack of fluid throughout the pregnancy, her lungs didn't have the chance to develop as they should. Peyton struggled with her under developed body for three days before returning to her Father in Heaven. She passed away after having the opportunity to meet her big sister and after spending some snuggle time with her Mom and Dad. 

Although we didn't get a lot of time with Peyton we all felt like we knew her so well. There had been such a deep and lasting bond created through this difficult circumstance. Peyton has left such a lasting memory and continues to be a very real part of our lives. Peyton's big sister talks about her constantly. Peyton is forever immortalized in the sweet memories, images, and mementoes throughout our home. We look forward to the day our little family will be whole again. Until that time we are so grateful for our guardian angel, Peyton Hope Little.

The quote on her gravestone says it perfectly, "Such a big miracle in such a little girl."

Owen the Warrior

This is such a sweet little family.  I heard updates as the pregnancy progressed from Owen's grandma, who is my good friend.  My heart ached for them, and I remembered what it was like to carry a baby with a condition "incompatible with life."  

I see smiles of hope through the heartache on the faces of Amy and Jason, and I love the faces of their adorable daughter and particularly angel baby Owen.  It almost looks as if he is wanting to give his mom a kiss.

We look forward to having them as Dove Releasers at the Running with Angels 5K this year!

My husband and I found out May of 2014 that we were expecting our second child. We were beyond thrilled, and the pregnancy seemed to progress normally. The baby was growing well and a quad marker screening came back normal, so we went into our 20 week anatomy ultrasound confident and excited to learn the gender and see our little baby. I remember thinking as the tech completed the ultrasound that she seemed overly focused. She told us the baby was a boy and hardly said another word. When the doctor came in after the ultrasound, he met us with a calm, but sad, face and said words I will never forget. “I want to be honest with you and tell you that we saw some very concerning things in the ultrasound.” I sat there with my 18 month old daughter in my lap, clutching my husband’s hand as he proceeded to explain that our baby boy had many markers that led them to believe that there was a chromosomal issue of some form. An amniocentesis confirmed our fears, as we learned that our baby had a condition called Trisomy 13, a condition that only occurs in about 1 in every 16,000 newborns and is ultimately incompatible with life. We were told that if our baby made it to delivery, his life would be very brief.

Our hearts were broken as we tried to come to terms with the fact that our son would not have the life we had envisioned for him. Knowing that there was a chance that the pregnancy may be the only time we would have with our sweet baby, we decided to make memories with him before he was born. We went to the zoo, to the beach, to a BYU football game, took family pictures, etc. I made him a quilt and recorded memories of the pregnancy. We decided on the name Owen, which means “young warrior,” and anxiously awaited the opportunity to hold our little boy.

At 8:47pm on December 23, 2014, Owen Charl Evans was born. It took him a few minutes to breathe, but our little fighter held true to his name and blessed our family with 18 precious hours of life before returning home to his Heavenly Father. Those hours will forever be remembered as some of the sweetest and most sacred of our lives. He was snuggled and sang to by mom and dad all through the night, read to and loved on by his big sister, greeted by a loving and supportive family, and ultimately knew nothing but love in his short life.  

Although we feel him close in spirit, we wish each and every day that Owen could be here with our family. We talk about him freely and even our little two year old blesses “baby brudder” in her prayers and finds ways to let us know she's thinking of him often. We are grateful for the opportunity to honor him and share his story. 

Holding the Angels

This is an amazing family!  

The Bockholts have participated in the Running with Angels 5K in the past, and I am honored to have them join us again this year.  I am also simply in awe of all they have experienced with their sweet angel children.  Here is their story:

In early spring of 2013 we found out we were expecting our third child.  Excitement and nervousness overwhelmed us.  Our second baby was a complicated pregnancy, rendering Krystal on hospital bedrest for a month, and then our baby coming early at 29 weeks.  He spent 5 months in the NICU, almost 2 years on oxygen, and 3 years with a feeding tube.  However, we felt that after everything we went through with him, we could handle any type of pregnancy given to us.  

In May, about a week before Mother's Day we went in for our 20 week ultrasound anxious to put our fears at rest.  The entire pregnancy we felt something was off, not quite right.  Our fears were unfortunately confirmed as the doctor explained to us that our sweet baby had a life-limiting condition called Bilateral Renal Agenesis, also known as Potter's Syndrome.  Our sweetheart had no kidneys, no stomach, and no bladder.  Because of the lack of kidneys our baby also wasn't able to produce any amniotic fluid and so the lungs were unable to develop.  We also found out that our baby's heart wasn't working right either.  We knew that any amount of time we were blessed to have our baby with us was truly a gift from God.  We also decided that regardless of our baby's condition, this was OUR baby, and we chose love, and chose to continue the pregnancy as long as possible, knowing our baby could easily not survive long in the womb, possibly not even through a birthing process, and if we made it that far, lung failure would cause our baby to pass away quickly.  

At 30 weeks, July 16th, 2013, contractions started and we went to the hospital to say hello and goodbye to our sweet baby.  We gave birth to a perfect little boy we named Kale Link Bockholt.  He was here on earth for a little over 30 minutes, during which time he was able to meet his older sister and brother, and was shown nothing but love.  He was held his whole life.  We were so blessed to have been working with Angel Watch and we were able to get many many photos of Kale, and have casts done of his perfect hands and feet.  

Fast forward a year and our family walked for the first time in the Running with Angels event in memory and honor of our sweet Kale and the impact he made on our life and in our family.  We love and miss him dearly.  

A few weeks after the event, we found out we were expecting again.  We were getting our 'rainbow' baby.  The emotions felt through a pregnancy after a loss are indescribable unless you have gone through it before.  

We went to our 20 week ultrasound at the high risk office because of our history.  The first thing we saw on that ultrasound was there was no fluid around our baby.  Our doctor confirmed that this baby also had Potter's Syndrome and we had to go down this heart-breaking road all over again.  Shock does not even begin to describe how we were feeling.  We had been told with our son Kale that it was most likely a fluke while he was developing, that only about 1 in every 10 thousand babies have Potter's Syndrome.  At this point though, we learned we were probably one of the very few people who have a genetic link; that we each must carry a recessive gene that combines to cause Potter's Syndrome.  Generally speaking the risk of a second baby with Potter's is about 1 in 100 million.  Lightning striking in the exact same spot twice.  Practically unheard of.  

Having walked this path before we knew the steps we had to take, we knew the outcome of this story.  And we again chose love for our sweet baby.  Krystal carried our angel baby until almost 33 weeks.  On January 8, 2015 our darling Miranda Dawn Bockholt joined our family.  She looked so much like her brother Kale, it was uncanny.  She too was surrounded by family and held her whole life.  A little over an hour after her birth she joined Kale, and I'm sure he gave her a giant brotherly hug.  Perhaps he gave her a noogie, while she boasted at spending twice as much time on Earth as he did.

We love both Kale and Miranda immensely, and miss them with a fierceness that most cannot comprehend.  Half of our hearts are here with our two living children, and half of our hearts are with our angel babies.  The opportunity we have to honor them and share their brief lives and stories with others is a bittersweet gift.  But nothing makes a parent happier than to talk about their children, whether they are in their arms, or in their hearts.