Forever Changed by Little Leland

This is an inspiring family.

When I think of this brave mother carrying this little guy for 14 weeks after discovering he had one of those conditions that are "incompatible with life," I marvel at the strength she and her husband have, in the choice they made that for three and a half months they would continue to make memories, even as hope continued to diminish.  Certainly it is an agonizing decision, and one that is so personal.  I remember it well.  As I think about comments from well-wishers that expectant mothers often get, as I'm sure Mijken received, I remember the heartache that I felt about knowing my own baby would not live long, and those innocent comments seemed to tear open the hurt all over again.

Often we don't focus very much on the the older siblings of the angel baby, but they are certainly affected as well.  Sully just wanted a little brother.  And, once again, our wonderful Heather and Marilyn, who bring Angel Watch to grieving families, were there to offer hope.  My heart goes out to the sweet Hall family as we honor them this Saturday at our Running with Angels 5K.  Here is their story:

 My name is Mijken Hall. My husband, son and I lost our baby Leland on January 12, 2013. Leland was very wanted- he had been wished for by his older brother, Sully, for two birthdays in a row.

At our 20 week ultrasound, it was discovered that I had no amniotic fluid, and with further testing, confirmed that Leland never developed kidneys. This is a condition called bilateral renal agenesis, or Potter's Syndrome. We were devastated to receive the news that Leland would not make it through the birthing process or die shortly after his birth. We chose to give our beloved baby every opportunity to live, and we created beautiful memories and individual relationships while I was carrying him. Angel Watch- Heather and Marilyn- helped us find the words to tell Sully that we wouldn't be able to watch our baby grow up.

At 34 weeks, contractions started and we knew our baby's life would be short. Leland was born into a world full of love and the tender time we had with him was joyful but heartbreakingly too short. After an hour and a half, our baby stopped breathing. Marilyn gently ushered everyone out of the room but our little family of 4. 

Although we will always feel Leland's absence, we are forever changed by him. Thank you for allowing our family to remember our brave son. 

Three Special Angel Babies

I've been reading up about Trisomy 18.  It can be detected before the baby is born, and, from what I have read, most babies do not survive, either before birth or shortly thereafter.  It is three times more common in girls than boys.  I had to sadly smile when I read that it is "a somewhat common syndrome."  It might be common when looking at the whole picture, but to a family that experiences the heartbreak of losing a child, it can feel like as if they are the only ones.

We are honoring three wonderful families who have babies diagnosed with Trisomy 18.  It has been a pleasure and my honor to become acquainted with them.  Here are their stories:

The Cross Family:

Our angel baby Mary Lucile Cross was born still on August 20th, 2012. She made it to 38 weeks.

When I was 22 weeks pregnant, we found through ultrasound that Mary had 5 "minor" problems- each individually wouldn't have been a big deal, but since there was more than 1 or 2, our perinatologist suggested we get an amniocentesis.  Two weeks later, our baby girl was diagnosed with Trisomy 18.  Receiving this basic death sentence for our baby girl was the worst thing we could possibly imagine.  From that time on, we did all we could to enjoy the time we had with her while she was still living. We had incredible support from Angel Watch, who taught us how to make memories with our Mary and how we could better "prepare".  We sang songs together, went swimming, let Mary "taste" every sort of ice cream.  Mary was and is just as much a part of our family as any other member.  We miss her and talk about her often and wish she were here.  But we know that she is safe in Heaven and that we will get to see her again. Mary has taught us how to have faith, how to be more sensitive, and how to truly love. 

We miss you, sweet baby Mary, but know you are never far from us!

The Hone Family:

My husband and I had struggled with infertility for years.  I wanted nothing more than to be a mother.  In January 2010, we got word that we were expecting!  We couldn't have been more thrilled.  In February, we found out we were expecting twins!  Life couldn't have been more blissful.  For months, we watched as my belly grew and waited anxiously to meet our little ones.  In May 2010, we found out that we were expecting a boy and a girl, Kingston and Scarlet.  However, our little Kingston had a diagnosis of trisomy 18, and wasn't expected to live until birth, and if he did live to birth, he wasn't expected to live long afterwards.  We watched over the next three months as our daughter grew into a healthy baby, and as our son steadily declined.  On August 11, 2010, I was rushed into the OR for an emergency C-section.  I was only 33 weeks along.  Kingston came out first weighing in at only 2 pounds 2 ounces.  Scarlet came next, weighing 3 pounds 12 ounces.  The biggest miracle of this day is  that Kingston was born alive. He got to breathe the sweet air that surrounded him for a mere 73 minutes.  It was such a peaceful experience as his perfect spirit left his imperfect little body.  I hope to never forget what it felt like to have heaven so close. 

Our surviving twin, Scarlet, was born healthy.  She stayed in the NICU for 4 weeks before she came home.  She is now a very rambunctious 3 year old with mounds of personality.  She has been such a light in our lives!  I know that there were days of grief when she was the only thing that got me through it. 

Just 21 months after our Kingston passed away, we welcomed our sweet little "California Miracle" to our family, also known as Elliot.  He was very unexpected, but very loved.  He has been the perfect definition of a rainbow baby.  He's brought endless amounts of joy into our family! 

We currently reside in beautiful Gilbert, Arizona.  We are loving life with our two beautiful children who are still here on this earth.  We miss Kingston every single day, but know that he continually watches over us.  I'm so grateful that through his death, I have been able to bless other's lives by donating my time and talents by making necklaces for mothers who have lost children.  

The Nash Family:

On Valentines Day 2012 I found out I was pregnant with baby #4.  We were so excited and were hoping for a boy, since we already had 3 daughters. On May 17th at 17 weeks and 4 days we went in for a fun 3D ultrasound to see if we could find out a little sooner what we were having. It was very obvious to me that something was very wrong. My sweet little baby had a very large growth growing from her belly.  It was explained to my husband and I that it was an omphalocele, her bowel and liver were growing outside of her body, and it's common with Trisomy 18 and Trisomy 13, and neither were compatible with life.  We decided to have an amniocentesis.  After 2 weeks our final results were in and they were not good.  Bradee had a very rare type of trisomy 18 called Isoschromosome 18q.  She was only given a 10% chance of surviving until birth, and if she made it that far she was only given a 5% chance of ever seeing her 1st birthday.  We continued to cling to hope that we would see our little girl alive.  My belly continued to grow and I developed severe polyhydrominos and was carrying a lot of extra fluid.  We were given weekly ultrasounds to check on her and to check on the amount of fluid surrounding her.  We included her in our daily activities.  Her older sister would sing "You are my sunshine" to her every night.  We took her to the zoo, had family pictures,  and enjoyed every minute we had with her. On September 5, 2012 Bradee was the most active she had ever been.  She wiggled and kicked most of the night.  September 6, 2012 we went in for our normal weekly fluid check where I measured 60 cm of fluid.  The ultrasound tech quickly did her scan and told me she was going to get the doctor.  I asked her if she had seen her heart beating and she simply said I'll get the doctor.  After a few minutes they both returned and my  doctor did a scan, and told me those horrible words, "I'm sorry baby has passed."  Bradee Lynn was born sleeping at 1:36 pm and weighed 3 lbs and 1.7 oz and was 16 inches long.  She was beautiful.  We were blessed to keep her with us for 24 hours, where we loved on her. Her sisters came and helped dad give her a bath. They snuggled her and cried for her.  We took pictures that we continue to treasure. Bradee was laid to rest on September 11, 2012 on top of her Great-grandma Beagley.  We love her and we miss her every single day.  Although her life was short, her life had meaning and purpose.  Bradee Lynn Nash I will see you again one day.

For the Nash family, pictured here, as well as the Hone and Cross families, life goes on.  But these angel babies are never forgotten.  We are so honored to have them with us at our 10th annual 

Running with Angels 5K!

Happy Mother's Day!

Getting this post up a day late, as I was thoroughly enjoying a wonderful Sunday. . .

Happy Mother's Day to all women everywhere . . . to my beautiful angel mother, who is such an example of strength, optimism, beauty, and commitment. . .

. . . and to a wonderful mother-in-law, who did such a great job raising a fine son. . .

. . . to those who have been such motherly influences in my children's lives. . .

. . . to my daughter-in-law, who is a beautiful and wonderful mother to my grandchildren. . .

. . . to my daughters, who will someday be mothers of their own . . . (I can't wait). . .

. . . and to those mothers whose arms ache to hold their children. . .

I look forward to this Saturday, the 10th annual Running with Angels 5K, where we will celebrate the lives of these babies, gone too soon, and where we will also enjoy a lovely run--or stroll--through the beautiful Thanksgiving Point gardens.

It's not too late to sign up! runningwithangels.org

I Always Knew Mark Was a Heartthrob. . .

Tuesday night Mark had some chest pains.  We took a little trip to the hospital and he ended up with two stents.  I'm grateful for quite a few things this week.  Here are just a few:
- Mark was willing to go get checked.
- Mark's consistent exercise, which he plans to continue.
- Mark's decision to eat more plants.
- My decision to plan healthier meals.
- Dr. Bingham, our new-found cardiologist.
- Modern medical technology.
- Even though perhaps Mark would have loved to spend Mother's Day in heaven with his sweet mother whom we really miss, I'm so glad he is here to spend it with us.  I'm not ready for him to go yet.

My own heart still flutters when he walks in the room.

I am so grateful for the goals he set this week, which the nurse wrote on the whiteboard in his hospital room.  He accomplished both.

. . . Lizzie

I cannot get her sweet little face out of my mind.  When I picture a cherubic angel, I see her.

I have only recently come to know the Nelsons.  Once again, I am amazed by the strength and love of mothers who are faced with an early goodbye.  We will honor Lizzie and her family when they release the doves at the Running with Angles 5K on May 17th.

I think of Lizzie and our other angel children when I consider valiant spirits waiting, working in the wings for those of us who continue going forward, missing them with tender tears and hopeful hearts.

Here is Lizzie's obituary.  She was born on June 15, 2012, and passed away on October 5, 2012.  Thank you, sweet Rachel and Todd, for sharing your story with us!

Our sweet baby, Lizzie, passed away on October 5th after we found her not breathing during naptime. We are heartbroken and at the same time so grateful that we were able to have her here with us for however short of a time it was. We are grateful to be close to our families and we know that our Father in Heaven is in charge. We feel incredibly blessed to know that we can be with 
Lizzie forever after this life.  She was a sweet, sweet gift from a loving Heavenly Father. 

Heather Walker--an Angel to so many

Heather is truly an angel!  

We are honoring Heather and her family as dove releasers this year at the Running with Angels 5K on May 17th.  Heather visits new parents when their babies are born.  Only these visits are not the happy, joyful ones that take place so often in the new-mother rooms of the hospitals.  Heather arrives with tiny blankets and beanies, her camera, and with the stuff she uses to make molds of little hands and feet of babies that won't be going home . . .  She is a bereavement specialist.  She truly understands what these new mothers are experiencing.  She has become acquainted with so many families over the years.  It isn't just that she has offered counsel, love and light through the countless dark hours.  She has lived through loss herself--of two of her children.  The most recent experience was last May 31st, 2013.  Sweet little Tatum.  Heather relates her story so beautifully at babytatumtime.blogspot.com.  Grab some kleenex before you go.

When we lost our daughter Emily years ago, there was so much uncertainty.  I didn’t know what to do.  I didn't know quite what or how to feel.  We had been made aware of her fatal heart condition before she was born, yet I didn’t know what to expect as I faced the prospect of losing one of our twin daughters.  I could not foresee the incredibly powerful, absolutely empty feeling that began with her diagnosis and continued after her short mortal life was over.  And yet we still had Amy.  What comfort this sweet daughter brought (and continues to bring!) to our lives.  I also could not fully foresee the incredibly powerful, absolutely soothing and eternal feeling that came as I transmitted my tears heavenward.  

That semi-hollow feeling came every time we visited Emily's grave, as we remembered her burial on that frigid February day, and then as we saw her name etched into the headstone, each time bringing a harsh reminder of reality.  When Emily died, I eagerly embraced all the help and comfort that was offered.  I was very willing to submit to the wisdom and support of doctors, nurses, grief counselors, and family members--all those who were there to help us.  I appreciated their knowledge, expertise and comfort.

Years later, when we were faced with losing another baby, I was determined to consider things differently.  Upon my arrival at the hospital, just after confirming the death of our unborn son, the nurses suggested that it might help to have a visit from a bereavement specialist named Heather.  I was told she would come and prepare me for what was to come.  I immediately said no.  I hope I was somewhat gracious, I can’t remember.  But of course I didn’t need help!  I had been through this before, and I knew all there was to know, didn’t I?  In my shock and lingering denial of my situation, amidst the feelings of devastation and loss, I pushed away even the thought of needing her help.  

Then, after little Eric was delivered a few hours later, I realized how wrong I was.  I did want help and comfort.  In fact, I remember pleading for Heather to come.  And come she did.  She arrived at the hospital soon after he was born, just after 2:00 in the morning.  She wrapped his little body in a soft white blanket, took pictures of him (which I cherish), made molds of his tiny hands and feet (which I cherish even more), and gently tucked him into my arms.  I could feel her tender, loving and understanding compassion, even though she knew I had pushed her away a few hours earlier.  She respected the fact that I had done this before, and she was so kind as she lovingly took care of me, and of little Eric.  She was a heaven-sent angel to me that night.  And she continues to be, to so many other parents in their time of loss, whether it’s at a "convenient" time, or in the middle of the night.  She continues to inspire.  Heather will always hold a tender place in my heart.  

Neena and Andy . . . and Angel Indi

This is Neena Andersen Earl.  She is one of our sweet moms we be honoring at the Running with Angels 5K, coming up on May 17th at Thanksgiving Point.  Neena and her husband, Andy, recently lost a baby.  They are strong people who have won my admiration. . . and my heart.  They have formed the team, "I Run for You, Indi" in honor of their angel daughter.  

I am so happy to help host this event, along with many other wonderful volunteers who tirelessly and enthusiastically help year after year.  I still can't believe this will be our 10th year.  I have met so many wonderful people who triumph over adversity.  

Come join with us and run with your angels by your side!  Sign up here:    www.runningwithangels.org